RIBS, FOR HER PLEASURE

Today, Doug and I went to the LA Barbecue Festival. A handful of BBQ joints set up adjacent to the Santa Monica Pier. Ten bucks gets you in the door, and each meal was another ten. Our goal was to gorge ourselves on roasted meats. Mission accomplished.


The longest line by far was for LC's Bar-B-Que. (Heidi's Bar-B-Que would be, like, so totally mad.)


So as not to starve to death waiting in line to get a slab of ribs, our strategy was to eat at every other place first.


The brisket at Texas' Southside BBQ was pretty good, but I wasn't a fan of their famous hot links.


Shaffer vs. Jalapeño


Surprisingly, the tastiest food came from Gus's Barbecue, a place out in South Pasadena.


My first rib.


So we finally made it to the front of the line to get some of LC's ribs. The line was so long because LC's is a famous Kansas City BBQ joint. We felt the ribs were overrated. Not bad, but not terribly tender.


As you can see, Doug thoroughly enjoyed himself.


Later we had dessert at the new frozen yogurt place down the street from my apartment, Frogo. What I like most about Frogo is that they put the line over the first O to make it clear that their name is pronounced Fro-Go, not Frog-o. But then... as a logo... they use a frog.
The yogurt doesn't taste like frogs at all, though.
More like salamander.
 

DEATHPOOL PART 3

Two days ago, I began posting my picks for the Ted Marshall Deathpool, a contest where cynics attempt to predict which television shows will get cancelled in the upcoming Fall TV Season. Here's a link to the initial post.

All these picks were locked in August 31, 2008 - before any of the shows premiered. Which explains my #6 pick...

6. 90210 (CW)
My sense is that the people behind the new 90210 don't understand why the old 90210 was popular. The operative word is "camp." But instead of campy, the new 90210 looks crappy. Plus, they've got a black guy as a main character on the show, and that's not gonna work. Why? Well, there are only two ways to play the "black kid in Beverly Hills" plot. Either you joke around about the fact that Beverly Hills is a inherently racist city - in which case 90210 will become a poor man's Fresh Prince Of Bel Air... or you get very serious about the problem of racism in Beverly Hills - in which case... what else is on?

Generation X is not going to like the new 90210 because it won't be campy and it won't have enough Brenda Walsh and Kelly Taylor. And Gen Y already has a 90210 - it's called The Hills: rich kids living in a glamorous city hanging out in cool clubs and restaurants.

I wrote the above explanation for why I believed 90210 would fail this season prior to its premier - which garnered a record-high rating for a show premiering on the CW network. I still stand by my prediction that the show will fail. I believe the show's first-week ratings are an anomaly. The CW didn't offer the pilot of 90210 to critics, so the critics couldn't review it. This is a standard tactic used in the motion picture industry when the studio thinks they've got a crummy movie on their hands. They run a huge advertising blitz and keep the product from the reviewers... that way there's no bad buzz on the movie going into opening weekend. The studio hopes it can draw as many moths to the flame as possible before word gets out that the film stinks. I believe that's what the CW did with 90210. And I believe that over the next few weeks, viewers will start to flee. This had been evidenced in the second week's ratings - about a million viewers didn't tune in again.

I could be completely wrong; this could be the show that turns it all around for the CW. But my guess is that after the 2008-2009 season, not only will 90210 be gone, but either Viacom or Time Warner will pull out of the CW entirely.

7. OPPORTUNITY KNOCKS (ABC)
Opportunity Knocks is a game/reality show whose basic premise is similar to Amnesia (a terrible idea for a show executed poorly... that I worked on last year) - it's a game show that's all about you! And by you, I mean whatever person is chosen by the casting department. The show comes to your house and quizzes you about items in your home or something. Here's the problem: Who gives a crap? Just like Amnesia, no one at the network or production company ever asked the question: "If the contestant can't remember how many Michael Bolton CDs he owns... why the hell would the viewing audience care?"

Opportunity does have three things going for it. One, it's cheap to make. So even if the ratings aren't huge, it could deliver for the network on a cost basis. Second, it's on the right network - family-friendly ABC. Third, it's good counter-programming for NCIS (is that still on?) and House. Unfortunately, I think Opportunity's audience will be swallowed up by the fatties on Biggest Loser.

8. KNIGHT RIDER (NBC)
What is it with NBC and retro? The only thing that could keep Knight Rider from being put up on blocks is the fact that it's good counter-programming for young males (against Old Christine and America's Next Top Model).

NBC's Wednesday night line-up is all over the place, by the way. It starts off with Knight Rider - a male-skewing retro car program... then goes into Deal Or No Deal - a older-skewing game show... then finishes off the night with Lipstick Jungle - a female-skewing Sex And The City clone. Are they trying to lose?

9. WORST WEEK EVER (CBS)
Nothing is harder to do than to get people to watch a new sitcom - even if it's good. I don't know if Worst Week is good or not (the promo I saw didn't make me laugh), but CBS has decided to put this new sitcom at the end of its Monday Night sitcom block (Big Bang, HIMYM, 2 1/2 Men). That's a pretty solid block of TV. But at 9:30 p.m., Worst Week is up against Samantha Who. Samantha has a terrific lead-in with Dancing With The Stars, so I think the night's going to belong to ABC. (Fox is counter-programming with the male-friendly Terminator and Prison Break.)

10. GARY UNMARRIED (CBS)
Here are the strikes against Gary Unmarried.
Strike 1: It's on its second or third title (Project Gary was one of them). That never bodes well.
Strike 2: It stars Jay Mohr. I like Mohr, but half of America has never heard of him and the other half doesn't like him.
Strike 3: It's kind of the exact same show as its lead-in, The New Adventures Of Old Christine.
On a personal note, for the last two months I worked in the bungalow next to Gary Unmarried, and I never heard laughter coming out of their bungalow. Sometimes they'd work outside, and I never heard them laughing out there either. If the writers aren't even making themselves laugh... bad sign.
Oh - I forgot Strike 4 - After Alison LaPlaca made the TV Deathpool change its name, it became the Ted Marshall TV Deathpool - Ted as in sitcom killer Ted McGinley and Marshall as in sitcom killer Paula Marshall. Paula Marshall is one of the stars of Gary Unmarried, and on that basis alone I feel compelled to put Gary Unmarried on my TV Deathpool list.


THE ONE I ALMOST PUT ON THE LIST: KATH & KIM (NBC)
NBC really wants this one to work - they've given it a primo time slot between Earl and The Office. The only problem is, this is kind of a female family sitcom. That doesn't really fit with Earl, The Office and 30 Rock. Plus with Molly Shannon and Selma Blair as the stars, the show's budget must be super top-heavy with salaries. Finally, Frank Magid and Associates, the people who usually send consultants into TV stations to tell news directors how to run their shops, did tracking surveys of NBC promos during the Olympics. The Kath & Kim promos had the lowest recall factor of any show advertised. I watched a few of those promos myself, and they're not very memorable. Or funny. But... it was developed by NBC head Ben Silverpants, so no matter how bad it turns out to be, he'll keep it on.



MY BIGGEST FLIP-FLOP: THE EX LIST (CBS)
At first I thought this show looked like a total disaster. A female High Fidelity meets the Israeli occult...? Plus the network is burying it on Friday nights. Plus it's going to lose the older female demo to Supernanny and the younger female demo to a rerun of America's Next Top Model. But after seeing the promos, I started to think that if women actually got to see this show, they might like it. It looks like it might be a romantic version of My Name Is Earl... an Ally McBeal without the lawyer crap. And maybe the chicks will be tired of Supernanny and bored with the ANTM rerun and actually watch The Ex List. Plus, The Ex List seems like a good companion piece for Ghost Whisperer. Better still - maybe it'll get just enough buzz for CBS to move it to a better night. So I've gone from putting The Ex List at #2 in my Deathpool to predicting it could be the break-out hit of the 2008-2009 television season.
 

DEATHPOOL PART 2

Yesterday I began posting my picks for the Ted Marshall Open Television Deathpool, a contest where cynics attempt to predict which television shows will get cancelled in the upcoming Fall TV Season. Here's a link to that post. Below are the shows I believe are 2nd to 5th most likely to be cancelled this season.

2. LIFE ON MARS (ABC)
Let's say you were programming ABC's Thursday night lineup. You've got Ugly Betty followed by Grey's Anatomy. It's Girls' Night, right? So what would you put on after Grey's? Well, ABC is giving the ladies Life On Mars, a period piece cop show. Based on a British show. Which David E. Kelley was attached to... and then bailed. And then the show was completely overhauled. That photo is an actual network promotional photo for the show. Smooth move, ABC.



3. MY OWN WORST ENEMY (NBC)
One way to try to get viewers to tune in to a program is to put a star in it. But does Christian Slater count as a star? I think Slater's paycheck is this show's worst enemy. Because if this program doesn't get huge ratings right off the bat, the bean counters are going to look at the bottom line and determine that this show is too expensive because of the money they shelled out for Slater. The lead-in for this Bourne Identity rip-off is one of NBC's only hits, Heroes. Unfortunately, Heroes' viewership is down 15%. Worse for Worst is that it's up against Boston Legal and CSI: Miami. I think this Christian is gonna get thrown to the lions.

4. DO NOT DISTURB (FOX)
What a weird night Wednesday is for Fox. They begin with the police procedural hour-long drama Bones and then go into sitcoms ('Til Death and the newbie Do Not Disturb). I watched some of this show on YouTube, and this sitcom is desperately missing the "com." When you watch shows like this, you understand that Reality TV didn't kill sitcoms, sitcoms like this killed sitcoms.




5. THE MENTALIST (CBS)
This show looks to be a non-funny version of Psych. Plus it's yet another cop show for CBS. I think maybe the audience for cop shows on CBS is tapped out. One thing going for it - it's good male counter-programming for Dancing With The Stars and Biggest Loser. But it's also up against JJ Abrams' much-ballyhooed Fringe. I just don't think there's enough here to attract and keep eyeballs.

Tomorrow: the final five on my TV Deathpool for the 2008-2009 season.

DEATHPOOL PART 1

A few years back, my pope-squatting, Associated Press-slaying, partner-in-Drudge Rogers Cadenhead told me about the Alison LaPlaca Open, a TV Deathpool named after one of sitcom's greatest utility players, Alison LaPlaca. The purpose of the Deathpool was simple: pick 10 new or returning programs you believe will get cancelled in the upcoming TV season.

Last year I came tantalizingly close to winning - eight of my picks went down in flames (which is a good thing). There were obvious choices: Viva Laughlin, Cavemen and Carpoolers. And there were some risks; I chose Back To You starring Frasier's Kelsey Grammer because I felt the show wasn't particularly funny and was a terrible fit for Fox. Back To You might have had a chance on CBS, The Home For Sitcoms Starring Actors Who First Became Famous On NBC (Julia Louis-Dreyfus, Jason Alexander, Ted Danson, Bill Cosby).

I came in sixth place, losing out to among others Rob Long. Like me, Long is a TV writer. Unlike me, he wrote for a show that people actually liked: Cheers.

Last year, Rogers told me his picks after having submitted them, and I proceeded to inform him why he was destined to lose. Like many playing the TV Deathpool, Rogers had made his picks based on shows he thought were good or bad. But there's much more than that involved in the decision to cancel a TV show. Like politics, incumbents are hard to beat. Rogers and 30 others predicted the cancellation of stalwart According to Jim. But what those 31 people didn't understand was that no matter how bad or tired According To Jim may be, the set has already been built, and the actors' salaries were negotiated years ago. Many of the costs of According to Jim have been amortized over six years. Plus one more season of According To Jim in primetime translates to a huge amount of money in syndication. Factors like these help keep a cheap old show on the air and an expensive new show off.

So on to this year's TV Deathpool (which was renamed due to threatened litigation by Alison LaPlaca). This time around I gave Rogers some advice. The most important piece of advice was this: pick new shows. TV programs are like restaurants - most of them fail in the first year. Though there are plenty of existing shows I suspect will fail this season (Life, Don't Forget The Lyrics, Eli Stone, 'Til Death), there's no bonus for picking an old show (though there should be), and as a gambler, I'm always looking for an edge. New TV shows are the sucker at the poker table.







1. ER (NBC)
Having said all that, my first pick for cancellation is ER. Why ER? Simple: it was announced earlier this year that ER would not be returning. Yes, everything I said about new shows is true, but only one thing trumps good odds, and that's a sure thing.

My picks for the 2nd through 10th TV shows most likely to get cancelled in the 2008-2009 Fall Season continue tomorrow. Rogers' full list is located on his weblog.

GOV. PALIN: LINCOLN UNQUALIFIED

I’m a registered independent voter in California, and in our state’s primary election I voted for Senator John McCain. I did so because he's the most experienced Republican running for President. (I'll vote for Obama in the Fall despite the fact that his victory in my state is a forgone conclusion.)

After watching Governor Sarah Palin’s speech at the Republican Convention, I’m wondering if McCain will use his speech as a rebuttal to his own running mate.

Palin’s argument against Obama was twofold. First, she posited that Obama’s lack of Executive Branch experience made him unqualified for the job of President. Second, she railed against the Washington Establishment — the so-called career politicians. This seems like a stunning rebuke of the top of her own ticket. John S. McCain III entered politics in 1982 when Sarah Palin was a 17-year-old high school student. McCain has been in Washington for more than a quarter of a century. If that doesn't qualify someone for "Washington Insider" status, I don't know what does.

I felt McCain's experience was his greatest asset, and it's why I voted for McCain in the primary; yet it seems to be Palin’s argument for why I shouldn’t vote for McCain for President.

I decided to do a little research to see which of our 43 Presidents ran for the job having had no prior government experience as an Executive. Below is a list of Presidents were never a U.S. Vice President, a major Cabinet Secretary, governor or mayor.

John F. Kennedy
Dwight Eisenhower
(Herbert Hoover prior to becoming President had served as Secretary of Commerce)
(William Howard Taft prior to becoming President was Provisional Governor of Cuba)
Benjamin Harrison
James A. Garfield
Ulysses S. Grant
Abraham Lincoln
Franklin Pierce
Zachary Taylor
(Andrew Jackson prior to becoming President was the first Military Governor of Florida — I’m not sure if that’s more a military position or an Executive position)
George Washington prior to becoming President was our nation’s first Commander In Chief, but this was at the time a military position. Washington had Legislative experience – he was elected to the Virginia House of Burgesses and was elected president of the Constitutional Convention of 1787.

Unlike Sara Palin, I think America benefited from the service of Executive branch novices like Lincoln, Eisenhower and Kennedy.

Whomever our next President is, one thing’s for certain — he’ll be the first President in over 40 years to have had no Executive Branch experience.