ZOO TWO

The San Diego Zoo: June 2009

Head to Toe

Darwin's Proof

The polar bear did his best Esther Williams.

Here's Angie with a giraffe...

...and here's Angie as a giraffe:

A Miami Vice extra

Giraffe yoga

A little flora with your fauna

These giraffes give "necking" a whole new meaning.

Sated, sated hippo

Some of the most entertaining images came from the gift shops:

Saddest Turtle Doll In The World

(Paxil sold separately)

Man Carrying Gorilla

(see "Darwin's proof")

 

BISCUIT HOLES

Biscuit holes?

But biscuits don't have holes!

 

METAMORPHOSIS

A few Saturdays ago, I visited the Santa Barbara Museum of Natural History's Butterflies Alive! exhibit.

(me appreciating nature)

Two years ago, I took some of the best photos of my life there.

(a Monarch, 2007)

This year the pictures were nearly as spectacular...

(a Monarch, 2009)

(an Orange Longwing?)

(a Speckled Wood Butterfly?)

(a Zebra Longtail)

...and the addition this year of some good company made the day a real joy.

(look out for the Zebras above your head!)

It was like the difference between, say, a caterpillar and a butterfly.

 

MAUS

Is there any better way to test Thomas Wolfe's theory than going to Disneyland? You remember it as magical; you grow up and see that it's mostly plywood and glow paint.

Here we are on Space Mountain. I find it odd that Disneyland Photoshops the image so that the background is totally different from what's actually behind you on the ride. In fact, they've chosen to use the outside of the ride itself as the photo's background. Weird.

Disneyland is a place where teenagers first experiment with sarcasm. The Asian dudes behind us were playing the role of "over-enthusiastic space passengers."

When you've been waiting on line for It's A Small World and you get to the front only to have everything stop as two uniformed officers walk into the ride...

...it becomes less of "a world of laughter"
and more of "a world of tears."



I tried to shoot photos inside, but inexplicably the ride was moving too fast.
















The Buzz Lightyear Astro Blasters ride/shooting gallery
is the most underrated attraction in the park.

Jen thought she could beat me, but she didn't count on one thing: I am a ruthless cheater.

 

PRICELESS

I got a new Visa recently. The card came in the mail with a form — turns out it's an "Photo Expressions Visa." They encouraged me to send them a picture, and they'd put it on the credit card.

I thought on it awhile, and finally came up with an image that I'd get a kick out of having on my Visa.


I sent it in yesterday. If it gets rejected by the bank, naturally I'll assume it's a conspiracy.
 

ROBOTS ARE EVIL

My friend Jason was kind enough to take me to a screening of a movie last week: Terminator Salvation.
I'm not sure if I liked it or not.
I feel the same way about Terminator films as I do about James Bond movies — I can't tell the difference between a good one and a bad one.

One thing I do know is,
the Terminators in this
newest installment
go heavy on the Crest Whitestrips.

When I got home, Angie asked me to describe the plot to her. What follows is our conversation

in which she swiftly and inadvertently reveals the flaw

in the entire Terminator series:

Angie: So what happens in the movie?
Me: Humans fight robots.
Angie: Why?
Me: Because the robots became "aware" and started to kill all the humans.
Angie: But why do the robots want to kill all the humans?
Me: Because they became "aware."
Angie: Yeah, but why did they start killing the humans once they became "aware"? I mean, why didn't they become "aware" and then not kill all the humans?

(long pause)

Me: Um... robots are evil?

 

BACK AT THE PARKER

Life is full of odd coincidences. I only recently wrote of my 1998 stay at Le Parker Meridien in Manahattan. On May 31, I returned — this time as part of a meeting with my Think Tank counterparts in the UK.

My only recollection of Le Parker Meridien back then was the view of Central Park from my room. It was stunning, and I immediately started phoning girls I used to know, trying to find someone who'd be impressed by the room. Turns out everyone had long moved from New York.

This time I've been most struck by how dark the hotel is. It's very dimly lit at night, and the wallpaper is a sort of chocolate brown with a black velvet design. It reminds me of The Haunted Mansion at Disneyland.

Each elevator has a flat-screen TV that plays old cartoons on a loop. I think it's supposed to be ironic or something.


The room itself leaves much to be desired. Here's the shower head:
Disgusting, right? As it happens, ever since I worked on the first season of Dirty Jobs, I travel with my own shower head (and vice grips and Teflon tape). At the end of a day shooting Dirty Jobs, I was usually covered with substances that should not be seen in daylight (I have smelled things no man should smell), and I required a vigorous stream of water to wash away the horror. So I disabled the low-flow element on a Speakman shower head and started packing that in my suitcase. It came in handy at Le Parker Meridien.










The bathroom sink isn't filthy, but it is very poorly designed.

The spigot doesn't extend far enough over the basin, so my choices are
a) turn on the water full blast
b) end up with water all over the counter.

Hotels really screw you on the refrigerator these days. There's one in every room, but they pack it so that you can't store your own stuff in it.

And the motion sensors are so sensitive that merely opening the refrigerator door to take this photo tripped it. Upon checkout, they tried to charge me $9 for vodka I never drank.

Five bucks for a Coke? Six dollars for water? Where am I, Yankee Stadium?