THE SADDEST TOYS IN THE WORLD

Here is compendium of photos I have taken of depressed, anxious or angry stuffed animals.

Found at a Hallmark Store, here's a Christmas turtle that seems to be suffering from Seasonal Affective Disorder.

This puppy looks very distressed.

It could be because the box instructs you to throw the dog in the water and watch him swim to you.

Or it could be just because he's a "Rescue Pet."

(If you don't adopt these Rescue Pets, are they put down with My First Intravenous Euthanasia Kit?)

This is the least carefree-looking unicorn I have ever seen.

And I have seen many a unicorn.

If you're looking for a murderously angry polar bear, FAO Schwartz is the place for you.

The Mr. Bump doll has the distinction of being the only children’s toy that suffers from a traumatic head injury.

This is a puppy dog doll.

A puppy dog doll that was born with a disease whereby his skeleton is on the outside of his body.

Perhaps we should keep an eye on children who like playing with Skelanimals, the only stuffed animals with exoskeletons.
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KEN OBER

Ken Ober died this weekend. Ken was a former stand-up comic who was probably best known for hosting MTV's Remote Control.

News of his death broke the way many stories do these days — from a Facebook status update. I first read about it on Lou DiMaggio's Facebook page. Lou, a TV writer and actor (he played one of Larry David's restaurant co-owners on Curb Your Enthusiasm), was a longtime friend of Ken's (and a friend of mine since the late '90s).

About nine years ago Ken and Lou had a radio show on Comedyworld, and they would invite me to appear as a guest occasionally. They gave me the honorific of "The Smartest Man In Television." In truth, they were just trying to find a way to billboard a mediocre guest in a more exciting way than "TV writer friend of ours."

I would tell stories about working in reality TV, a genre which at the time was a novelty. It was a thrill for me, and I envied Ken and Lou — they got to hang out and make jokes for several hours a day without a TV executive giving them notes in advance of airing their comedy bits. Plus they were so damned funny.

Ken was always incredibly nice to me and had a wicked sense of humor. The long list of great people who were friends of Ken Ober's is a testament to what a outstanding guy he was.

99 CENT STORE TREASURES

Found at the 99¢ Store... food for your hair.

For that... um... ethnic look.
 

STILL BEATING

Huey Lewis and The News at Club Nokia as shot from the Worst Cellphone Camera Ever.

MAKE 'EM LAUGH

Jimmy Kimmel has the most brutal lead-in in late night comedy history — Nightline.

Almost every night, Nightline serves as the Worst Killjoy Ever.


Here's the end of a Nightline from last week:

 Terry Moran: "Twelve people killed here at Fort Hood today, 31 wounded, the suspect: an Army major psychiatrist in custody tonight in stable condition suffering from gunshot wounds. President Obama said it best: 'It's hard enough when soldiers are killed overseas... killed here at home apparently by one of their own... the word for it is horrifying.' That's our report, I'm Terry Moran. Goodnight, America."

Try making an audience laugh after that delightful set-up.
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OFF THE WALLPAPER

I took a look at a place on Sunset a few weekends ago. I suspect the owner might have resided there for a long, long time...