Thursday, March 28, 2013


Safeway (aka Vons) sells generic versions of sugary cereals. Each one has its own loony mascot. And each one is utterly terrifying. Witness:

Cinnamon Crunch is the generic version of Cinnamon Toast Crunch. The mascot of the name-brand cereal is a kindly old baker named Wendell. But Safeway has chosen a space alien to represent their cereal. Is there some connection between extra terrestrials and cinnamon that I don't know about?

Well, obviously Cocoa Nuggets is the generic of Cocoa Krispies. Now, if the cereal were banana flavored, the monkey mascot would make sense. And maybe I could get on board this mascot if he were a brown monkey. You know — brown like cocoa. But inexplicably, he's a green monkey! 
(By the way, there are green monkeys. Known as Sabaeus monkeys, they spread the deadly Marburg Virus in the '60s.)

Okay, this one's on the nose. But hey — Apple Orbits makes more sense than Apple Jacks, right? 
Are you noticing the pattern with these mascots? They all have scarily protracted tongues. And crazy eyes.

Safeway's version of Froot Loops employs an amphibian instead of Toucan Sam. Well, at least the absurdly elongated tongue makes sense on a frog.

It took me a while to figure out what Crackles was the generic for — it's Cap'n Crunch. Once you understand that, the Crackles mascot makes sense; as a sea creature, he's even more nautical than Horatio Magellan Crunch. But he's not just an octopus — he's a pirate octopus! (which I suppose makes the proposition of "walking the plank" far less treacherous)

The rabbit mascot of Marshmallow Magic (literally the poor man's Lucky Charms) is the most unnerving. His tongue is thankfully not as tumescent, but I haven't seen such haunting eyes since the final frame of Roman Polanski's Repulsion.

Saturday, March 9, 2013


I last went to Seattle in 2008. It's a great place to go whenever I feel like I've had enough of the Priuses and Whole Foodses of Southern California... and want to visit the Prisues and Whole Foodses of the Pacific Northwest.

Once again, I flew Virgin America. The Miami Vice lighting really helps assuage the anger of paying $25 to check a bag.

My new favorite sign: The Fish Ladder at the Hiram M. Chittenden (Ballard) Locks
Though strictly speaking, this is a fish climbing stairs, not a ladder.

We watched baby steelheads struggle to work their way up the fish ladder... and then later enjoyed a salmon dinner at Salty's on Alki Beach

This is Paul Sorey's sculpture entitled Salmon Waves.

There's nothing I enjoy more than a factory tour, so I made sure to hit the one at the Theo Chocolate Factory.

Did You Know: Chocolate bars are made up of 40% stone. Mostly pumice.

Friday, March 1, 2013


Someone dropped this paper bag with a note on it in the parking lot where I work. It's a shame, because whoever lost it seems to have invented the Flux Capacitor.