DISMOUNT ZONE

Get in the zone...  the Dismount Zone.

ENCHANTED

Yes, that "enchanting" stripper lifestyle...

THE BREAKFAST OF CHALDEANS

Get your day started out right with a breakfast that's really, really old!

IF DONALD TRUMP WROTE SCIENCE FICTION...

"We're gonna build a force field — and Mars is gonna pay for it!"

(ツ)_/¯

(ツ)_/¯

SALTY

This Arm and Hammer Simply Saline I bought has been spontaneously emptying itself, making the can look like a cheap margarita.

HOLD THE FOAM

Sadly, Valtrex has been no help in preventing Paris' foam outbreaks.

CLAP. CLAP. CLAP.

Keep it classy, Santa Monica Observer.

LOCO LIKE A FOX

Um... is FoxNews Latino trying appeal to Hispanics by using a "spicy" font?

MAKE AMERICA PALE AGAIN

Behold — Donald Trump's rainbow coalition of old white people!

GAME SHOW GANG pub quiz podcast

For years, my longtime friend and fellow game show veteran Doug Shaffer and I barnstormed bar trivia nights throughout the greater Los Angeles area. Earlier this year, Doug proposed an idea: what if we created a pub quiz podcast? So that's exactly what we did.

The Game Show Gang Pub Quiz Podcast is a 30-45 minute weekly show that's like bar trivia that you can play wherever and whenever you want. We're gonna do 10 episodes for this first season and then see how it goes.

It's available on iTunes and Stitcher and wherever else pods are cast.

Check it out here:
https://itunes.apple.com/us/podcast/game-show-gang-pub-quiz-podcast/id1111790171?mt=2

Thanks and enjoy!

TAKE ME OUT

          YOU: So, what do you think of Emirates Airlines? 

          ME: It's fair.

DON'T BOO, VOTE!

BALLERS? MORE LIKE BALDERS!

"Ballers"? More like "Balders"!

PHONY

Wait -- Hillary Clinton is counterfeiting money?!

BIRD DOG, PALO ALTO

Salmon with burnt cucumber and geranium harissa

Salmon

Heirloom carrots with red curry, tamarind and orange

POKEMON FEVER

Who! 
Who who who! 
Who let the dorks out!

ALWAYS BE CLOSING

This direct mail company in Sherman Oaks has gone out of business. Guess they didn't get the Glengarry leads.

THIS JUST IN

LA's local NBC News affiliate has finally resorted to full-on peer pressure.

WE ARE NEVER EVER GETTING BACK TOGETHER

10 years ago this would have seemed rude; today it's probably seen as old fashioned.

POOR. DONALD.

                     There are two types of "billionaires" who beg you for money online: 

                     1. "Nigerian prince" 

                     2. Donald Trump

TONY TONY TONY

The ‪Tony Awards‬ honor events that happen on a few blocks in NYC. It's like if there were a national TV show crowning The Best Blackjack Dealer In Las Vegas.

SUBTRACTION

I support Bernie Sanders' free college tuition plan
because too many people in this country can't do simple math.

For example: Bernie Sanders.

JUDGE NOT

Step 1: Insult judge's heritage. 

Step 2: Claim judge cannot be impartial because you've insulted his heritage.

THE GREATEST

Happy 
Explain-to-a-Millennial-Why-a-Boxer-Was-Important 
Day

CALABASAS FIRE: JUNE 4, 2016

POTTER? I HARDLY KNOW 'ER!

I bought the cheapest wand they had at The Wizarding World of Harry Potter.
(The Stanley Shunpike: $28)

MARCO RUBIO: ENDORSING THE CLUELESS SINCE MAY 2016

I SCREAM

I'm not sure if I could explain Twitter to my 10-year-old self, but he'd be PSYCHED to be Followed by Carvel Ice Cream

YOU MIGHT BE OVERTHINKING THIS, E! NEWS

OFFENSIVE FOUL

Buy a new NBA-approved StubHub branded 76ers jersey for just $19!*

*plus $78.55 in Service, Delivery and Transactional Fees

HAPPY MOTHERS DAY

You were there for me every single day, instilling me with your morals and values. 
Happy Mothers Day!

POOP DECK

As always, marketing is the solution: just rebrand all these norovirus cruises as "Extreme Weight Loss Vacations."

CHALLENGE (PT 2)

Finally -- an account challenge question that I can answer!

LIFE IS JUST A PARTY

Prince‬ was a true original. As opposed to…

CHALLENGE

Single, childless, divorced parents, no younger sibling... I cannot answer any of these account challenge questions.

NICE WORK, SIRI

SEPARATED AT BIRTH

Celebrity Rehabber Dr. Drew... and Bernie Sanders campaign manager Jeff Weaver

EYE D

Apple Photos facial recognition software would like me to identify this face.

CLUE

So... that means OJ buried a different knife in his backyard, because...?!

EYE SURRENDER

If it meant I never had to see the trailer for Eye In The Sky again, I'd strangle that hula hooper with my bare hands.

TAKE 5

IT'S A BLAND OLD FLAG

Is Ted Cruz's logo supposed to be an American flag on fire?
Or a tear from Old Glory crying?
Or what?

WELL, THAT'S A WEIRD ALGORITHM