Saturday, August 1, 2015

GOING... GOING... SAIGON!

In preparation for the 90+ degree heat and 90% humidity, I decided it would be a good idea to shave my head. And when you feel good, you look good. Right? 
Right?
Day 1: Took the sleek new head out for a spin on the Saigon River.
Testing out one of the Cu Chi Tunnels, Viet Cong's base of operations for the Tet Offensive.

After crawling underground in the sweltering heat all day, nothing hits the spot like a cup of hot tea.

Monday, June 15, 2015

YOU'RE KILLING ME

Come on, CNN — you gotta say "Spoiler Alert!"

Wednesday, June 10, 2015

SHOE IN

A display at the Nike Store. So... I shouldn't buy their shoes?

Saturday, June 6, 2015

Friday, June 5, 2015

METALLIC-UH?

Well then what is the Titanium Series coated with?!

Thursday, June 4, 2015

BUTTON DOWN

If you're a woman, you might think this is a pictogram of Jesus' halo finger. But if you're a man, you'll recognize it as the silver button on top of some urinals. What I've always found funny about this flush button is that the manufacturer felt the button itself was not self-explanatory enough so they added the pictogram. And stranger still, the finger presses a button — but it's not the shape of the flush button.

Thursday, May 7, 2015

A NUMBERS GAME

I don't know if my mistake was using non-English numbers or full-width numbers.

Tuesday, May 5, 2015

BLOW YOUR TOP

The headless mannequin clenched his fists, barely containing his rage.

Wednesday, April 22, 2015

Tuesday, April 21, 2015

LESS THAN ONCE

This is from a survey sent to me by a focus group company. I like the choice that's in between "1-2 times" and "Never."

Monday, April 20, 2015

THE PAUSE THAT DOESN'T REFRESH

Welcome to the future... where vending machines now have software. And when that software crashes, you can't get a can of pop out of the machine.  

I tried pressing Control + Alt + Pibb on this one, but nothing happened.

Friday, April 17, 2015

THE WINE DETECTIVE: EPISODE 5

I have no idea what this now-defunct Pasadena business actually did, but I like to imagine it as a noir detective series.

Friday, April 10, 2015

THE WINE DETECTIVE: EPISODE 4

I have no idea what this now-defunct Pasadena business actually did, but I like to imagine it as a noir detective series.

Friday, April 3, 2015

THE WINE DETECTIVE: EPISODE 3

I have no idea what this now-defunct Pasadena business actually did, but I like to imagine it as a noir detective series.

Friday, March 27, 2015

THE WINE DETECTIVE: EPISODE 2

I have no idea what this now-defunct Pasadena business actually did, but I like to imagine it as a noir detective series.

Sunday, March 22, 2015

THE WINE DETECTIVE: EPISODE 1

I have no idea what this now-defunct Pasadena business actually did, but I like to imagine it as a noir detective series.

Saturday, March 21, 2015

(ALMOST) ANYTHING GOES

Guess the type of business where this sign is located.

Wednesday, March 18, 2015

LUCA BRASI TRAINS WITH THE EAGLES

"Tebow Training With Eagles" sounds like a euphemism for something awful. Like death. 

Or signing with the Philadelphia Eagles.

Tuesday, March 10, 2015

OLD SPICE

If Vasco da Gama could see how easy it is for us now, his head would explode.

Sunday, March 1, 2015

THE CATBIRD SEAT

Perhaps not surprisingly, these Hello Kitty car seat covers were spotted in Pasadena.

Friday, February 27, 2015

IT'S HARD TO THINK

It IS hard to think of one... unless you're willing to use your brain for 10 seconds: Lucy, Fonzie, Chaplin, Skywalker, Ferris, Gilligan, all of the Bradys and for pete's sake Sulu!

A SNACK IN THE DARK

Tired of dingoes eating your baby? Now your baby can eat a Dingo!

Wednesday, February 25, 2015

WINDOW OF OPPORTUNITY

The other day, my window disappeared. At least that's what it looked like. Got to my car — no window.

Turns out, the window regulator broke, and the glass vanished into the door. Without a working motor, the window wouldn't go back up. The price to fix it? $350-500.

Unless you do it yourself.

First I took the door panel off. (And left it in my kitchen because that's kinda funny.)


Then I removed the plastic weather seal and disconnected the wires.

Then I unbolted and removed the broken window regulator.
Here's the shiny new regulator. I could've bought it online, but I spent a little more to get it from  Engler Bros Auto Parts in Santa Monica. The reason? If we all keep buying everything from Amazon, there won't be small businesses in a few years.

Then I stuck the weather seal back on, connected all the wires and popped the door panel back in. Repair time: about 2 hours. Total cost: under $100.




FORTUNE

I got nothin'.

Tuesday, February 24, 2015

WHAT THE BLANK?

Whenever I get one of these in the mail, I think — "This seems very passive-aggressive."

Monday, February 16, 2015

FIFTY SHADES OF WAYNE

Fifty Shades of Grey and The Dark Knight are pretty similar. Both star eccentric billionaires who like to play with strange gadgets.

Bruce Wayne, however, employs his gizmos to keep Gotham safe. If Christian Grey were Batman, instead of using all his crime-fighting toys out on the street, he'd put them in Vicki Vale.


Friday, February 6, 2015

WELL, THAT CHAPS MY HIDE

Not one, not two, but THREE giant tags sewn into the waistband of the Gap's tagless boxer briefs.

Tuesday, January 13, 2015

SOMETHING BLUE

Um, I think this is the Child Bridal section of Macy's.

Thursday, December 11, 2014

PUTTING IT TOGETHER

My shredder broke. It started making bad noises and stopped shredding. So I took it apart. I monkeyed with the guts, put it back together and got it working again.

About the best your hands can look after they've been in a shredder.

These are all the parts left over after I put the thing back together. Somehow it worked just fine without 9 washers, 3 screws and four black things.

Sunday, November 23, 2014

TUT FOR TAT

This is a game at the Dave & Busters in Hollywood. Since the Pharoah of Exodus was subjected to locusts, lice and boils... and he was hoping to drown all the Jews in the Red Sea... I can only imagine what his "revenge" would be.

Wednesday, November 12, 2014

VERUM LUX CLUNES

The symbol for the Claremont College Consortium is three swans looking at their butts which are on fire.