Saturday, December 19, 2015

Monday, November 23, 2015

GO FISH



I've got more mercury in me than a rectal thermometer. 

SOCK IT TO ME



These "Queen Size" socks are okay but I was looking for something in a California King. 

WE ALL SCREAM

FOOL ME TWICE…



Jeb Bush is polling just below "Wouldn't Vote" but just ahead of "Would Rather Self-Immolate."

Sunday, November 1, 2015

CAT'S CRADLE: THE SANTA MONICA CAT SHOW (IN COSTA MESA)

Me with one of the winners.

No line for the Men's Room at the Cat Show.

The stakes are high.

Saturday, October 31, 2015

HALLOWEEN 2015

Continuing my annual Halloween tradition: I put a sign on the door that says "TAKE ONE PLEASE" and and empty bag.

Putting the finishing touches on my Sia costume.

Wednesday, October 14, 2015

RUNS FOR THE BORDER


"Let's give this take-out meal a name that hints at its future."

Tuesday, October 13, 2015

FOR YOUR CONSIDERATION

If you do a Google search for "Lexus," the third response is a paid advertisement begging you to "Consider a Mercedes-Benz."

Sunday, October 11, 2015

TRICK AND TREAT

These Hostess Candy Corn Cupcakes contain no candy corn on or in them. This is a limited edition product, folks, so put a few away.

Wednesday, October 7, 2015

EMPIRE STRIKES BACK

I'm not very familiar with the TV series "Empire" but I guess it's about a guy named Will Empire.

STEP ONE

You know what else is "perfect for drunks"? AA.

THE S IS FOR SUPER…

Well, by definition... yeah.

RESET PASSWORD

These corporations force us to use passwords with CAPS and numb3rs and symbo£s… but in the end it turns out their own security is $h1t. 

Tuesday, October 6, 2015

Thursday, October 1, 2015

FAIR ENOUGH

Here is your Chicago World's Fair (aka World's Columbian Exposition) Fun Fact of the day.

The song you may know as "The Snake Charmer Song" or "There's A Place In France Where The Naked Ladies Dance" (or many other names) is actually titled "The Streets of Cairo, or the Poor Little Country Maid" and made its debut at the Chicago World's Fair of 1893.

The original melody was written by World's Fair entertainment director Sol Bloom for use in an attraction called A Street in Cairo. (Bloom did not copyright the music; later songwriter James Thornton would added lyrics to the tune.)

But as popular and ubiquitous as the song would become, it was the accompanying dancing (introduced as "The Algerian Dancers of Morocco") that gained the most notoriety.

Among the performers was a Syrian woman named "Little Egypt" (Fahreda Mazar Spyropoulos) whose uncorseted torso articulating moves shocked the Victorian sensibilities of the day. In short order, her pseudonym would become synonymous for "belly dancer."

In addition to "belly dancing," people also referred to her act as "the shimmy and shake" and "the hoochy-coochy." It is said that her performance for Mark Twain at the Fair caused the great American humorist to suffer a heart attack.

Fahreda Mazar Spyropoulos was arrested by New York City police three years after the Fair. Newspaper reports claimed Little Egypt was dancing the the hoochy-coochy while in the nude at a stag party thrown by the grandson of circus legend P.T. Barnum.

Sol Bloom would later serve 14 terms in the U.S. House of Representatives.



Saturday, September 5, 2015

HARD LIFE

Deputy clerk Melissa Thompson thinks stamping a marriage license is the hardest thing she's ever had to do in her life.

Tough life. 

Friday, September 4, 2015

PLEDGE

So... what's the consequence if Trump decides to rip up that pledge later and mount an independent run? Will the RNC kick him out of the Republican Party? Smart move, GOP. Really thinking ahead.

Tuesday, August 11, 2015

THE OTHER SIDE OF THE OCEAN

Next stop on the Vietnam tour was the beach city of Hoi An. Whoever art directed this place is a genius.


At one point it occurred to me: "I'm usually on the other side of this ocean." Could you see me waving?


For reasons I am still unclear on, Vietnamese beach trash receptacles are shaped like penguins. Eat my garbage, Happy Feet!

On a scooter tour of the countryside, we got to see a woman who makes zillions of rice crackers in her home.

She dries them out on the porch like laundry.

For now: lovable pets. Later on: Bún Thịt Nướng.

I can't remember if this was tea or something stronger... like snake wine. Or gasoline.

The tour guide was delighted when I told him that I had a scooter in college, and encouraged me to take the wheel for awhile.

Considering the hyper aggressiveness of Vietnamese motorists, the caption of this photo easily could have been "Died trying to drive a Vespa in Vietnam."

Tuesday, August 4, 2015

PHO CHI MINH

I ate some great and weird food in Saigon.

This soup tasted good but had the viscosity of snot. 
The stuff in this iced beverage are lotus seeds. They taste like potatoes, and in the 100-degree heat of Vietnam, this drink does not quench your thirst in any way.

My Vietnamese food tour guide Ngoc got me to eat goat, frog and the final dinner item: duck embryo. In case you're wondering, duck embryo tastes a lot like chicken embryo.


This is the reaction of an Australian tourist at the moment I ate the duck embryo.

This coconut vendor encouraged me to try carrying his product. Then, not quite understanding the dollar-to-dong exchange rate, I set a Vietnamese record for the purchase price of a coconut.

Sunday, August 2, 2015

HO PEE MINH

The toilets in Vietnam covered the whole spectrum. From the electronic bidet in the fancy hotels...

...to the airport toilet that included a sticker warning users not to squat on top of the bowl.

Saturday, August 1, 2015

GOING... GOING... SAIGON!

In preparation for the 90+ degree heat and 90% humidity, I decided it would be a good idea to shave my head. And when you feel good, you look good. Right? 
Right?
Took the sleek new head out for a spin on the Saigon River.
Testing out one of the Cu Chi Tunnels, Viet Cong's base of operations for the Tet Offensive.

After crawling underground in the sweltering heat all day, nothing hits the spot like a cup of hot tea.

Monday, June 15, 2015

YOU'RE KILLING ME

Come on, CNN — you gotta say "Spoiler Alert!"

Wednesday, June 10, 2015

SHOE IN

A display at the Nike Store. So... I shouldn't buy their shoes?