IT'S HARD TO THINK

It IS hard to think of one... unless you're willing to use your brain for 10 seconds: Lucy, Fonzie, Chaplin, Skywalker, Ferris, Gilligan, all of the Bradys and for pete's sake Sulu!

23 minutes later, the New York Times followed up with this.

A SNACK IN THE DARK

Tired of dingoes eating your baby? Now your baby can eat a Dingo!

WINDOW OF OPPORTUNITY

The other day, my window disappeared. At least that's what it looked like. Got to my car — no window.

Turns out, the window regulator broke, and the glass vanished into the door. Without a working motor, the window wouldn't go back up. The price to fix it? $350-500.

Unless you do it yourself.

First I took the door panel off. (And left it in my kitchen because that's kinda funny.)

Then I removed the plastic weather seal and disconnected the wires.

Then I unbolted and removed the broken window regulator.

Here's the shiny new regulator. I could've bought it online, but I spent a little more to get it from  Engler Bros Auto Parts in Santa Monica. The reason? If we all keep buying everything from Amazon, there won't be small businesses in a few years.

Then I stuck the weather seal back on, connected all the wires and popped the door panel back in. Repair time: about 2 hours. Total cost: under $100.

FORTUNE

I got nothin'

WHAT THE BLANK?

Whenever I get one of these in the mail, I think — "This seems very passive-aggressive."

UNBROKEN

BAD NEWS

THE UNEXPECTED CONSEQUENCES OF EQUAL RIGHTS

The unintended consequences of equal rights: the co-ed bathroom at YouTube Space

FIFTY SHADES OF WAYNE

Fifty Shades of Grey and The Dark Knight are pretty similar. Both star eccentric billionaires who like to play with strange gadgets.

Bruce Wayne, however, employs his gizmos to keep Gotham safe. If Christian Grey were Batman, instead of using all his crime-fighting toys out on the street, he'd put them in Vicki Vale.

EVEN MY iPHONE HAS COMMITMENT ISSUES

  

WELL, THAT CHAPS MY HIDE

Not one, not two, but THREE giant tags sewn into the waistband of the Gap's tagless boxer briefs.

SOMETHING BLUE

Um, I think this is the Child Bridal section of Macy's.

PUTTING IT TOGETHER

My shredder broke. It started making bad noises and stopped shredding. So I took it apart. I monkeyed with the guts, put it back together and got it working again.

About the best your hands can look after they've been in a shredder.

These are all the parts left over after I put the thing back together. Somehow it worked just fine without 9 washers, 3 screws and four black things.

TUT FOR TAT

This is a game at the Dave & Busters in Hollywood. Since the Pharoah of Exodus was subjected to locusts, lice and boils... and he was hoping to drown all the Jews in the Red Sea... I can only imagine what his "revenge" would be.

VERUM LUX CLUNES

The symbol for the Claremont College Consortium is three swans looking at their butts which are on fire.

FOREVER*

In retrospect, it might not have been the best idea for Mariah Carey to put a photo of her and Nick Canon on the box of her perfume called Forever.

DECONSTRUCITED

The police may get you... but the Grammar Police never will.

SAN FRANCISCO, JUNE 2014

Transamerica knuckle

Things are looking up.

The other bridge

First Michelin star: Boulevard

Slightly more casual fare

[SPQR OCTOPUS PHOTO WILL GO HERE]

Meet Coit

[ANGIE'S COIT TOWER PHOTO WILL GO HERE]

Palace of Fine Arts

[RACCOON SIGN PHOTO WILL GO HERE]

And that's why they call it "The Windy City"!

The least mysterious room at the Winchester Mystery House

SPEAK SOFTLY AND CARRY A BLUE STICK

There's a school on the Westside named for President Teddy Roosevelt. But for some reason they've depicted the famous Rough Rider as a Na'vi from Avatar. I can't remember — was free unobtanium a part of the Square Deal?

A REAL CUT-UP

So there was a meeting at the ad agency, and they decided that the best way to sell Cuisinarts was to make a joke about the sign every homeless person carries?

A PRODUCT TO DIE FOR

No, this wasn't in a police evidence locker; I found it at my local hardware store.

DECK THE MALLS

I just saw this dress in Macy's. Are women flocking to the "Mrs. Claus look" this summer?"

DISCOUNT STALKING

Based on this sign by the exit, I think Sears is stalking me?

WHEN JEWISH UPON A STAR

Well, this is gonna be a short book.

THE NAME GAME

Today is gonna be a great day... or my name isn't Jonthan Bouner!

…OR NOT

I WISH

I think maybe I don't understand what Siri is supposed to do.

DRIVE

No wonder everyone in LA texts while driving — it's not like anyone's getting anywhere.