Tuesday, October 31, 2017

TRICK

Continuing my annual Halloween tradition: taping an empty bag of candy to my door with a sign that reads "Take One Please."

Saturday, May 6, 2017

HORSESHIT

The Kentucky Derby is the hackiest two minutes in jokes.



Friday, April 7, 2017

UNFOLLOW

I have no interest in purchasing Twitter followers... but if I did, I'd be unlikely to buy them through someone with 34 Twitter followers.

Monday, March 27, 2017

DON'T MESS WITH TEXAS

Awhile back I was a writer on a cooking competition show. I wrote this line for the host:

"They say everything’s bigger in Texas, and this chili is no exception. It’s got 684 calories per serving – but the biggest problem is that half of them are from fat!"

A studio executive on the show gave the following note:
"Might not go over big with our Texas stations… omit Texas negative."

Saturday, March 25, 2017

NO WAY OUT

Los Angeles is the greatest (unlivable) city in the world!

Saturday, February 25, 2017

WITH ROD ALL THINGS ARE POSSIBLE


This painting is entitled "Don't Poke Jesus With A Stick."

Nice hat.

Wednesday, February 22, 2017

RATED R

Jeez — this tape is so graphic!

Sunday, February 19, 2017

HOORAY FOR SPORT!

This is a great shirt for folks who love basketball... 
but aren't ready to commit to any one particular team.